2018 GOALS: Stop Saving the Best for Last- Life Rant

2017 WAS A PRETTY rough year. My uncle took his own life in February. We found out that my cousin was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer, like a month later. My 2nd son was born in April, and when my wife went on Maternity Leave from work her boss didn’t give proof of her hours, so we went through all of May (and half of June) without money from Maternity Leave. It was a serious struggle especially with 2 kids and a newborn.

(Header pic is from New Years 2017 of me, my wife, my daughter, and my son with a blurry face lol He was shaking his head during the picture.)

THEN IN NOVEMBER my wife got a 2nd seasonal job. On her first day, while she was at work, I received some news that nasty assumptions had been made against us. And finally, in mid December, my sister’s boyfriend, Sean, lost his life in a drunk driving accident. Sigh, goodbye 2017, I won’t miss you.


SO LAST WEEKEND WAS when our family and Sean’s family got together to scatter his ashes and say goodbye. On Saturday January 20th we had a party in Sean’s name, and we met Sean’s parents for the first time. It was really nice to meet them, his brother and fiance, uncle, and cousin.

IT WAS A REALLY great weekend, despite the circumstances.  His parents were amazing and I hope my family was able to bring a sense of closure and comfort. It was also really cool to talk to his uncle. He works on computers and builds them for fun! He was the one that got Sean into gaming in the first place. I always wondered how much street cred Sean had as far as gaming went, but truth be told he knew far more than I did! I never knew. His uncle built Sean his first computer from spare parts! That’s so freaking cool. I would have talked to them more, but I’m always awkward around new people. I’m never sure what to say, and I always just end up smiling and nodding in the end.

I COULDN’T HELP BUT wonder how Sean would have loved to see this. It was the first time our families got together, and it was absolutely beautiful. He would have loved to see this, to have been there. And we would have loved it if he were there with us, too.

ON THE FINAL DAY we said goodbye to his parents. They came over to our house for one last goodbye before heading out of town. Before they left they gave me some of Sean’s ashes. It was more emotional than I thought it would be. I couldn’t hold back tears as his dad opened the box and I saw what remained of Sean. Damn dude. I only had a small plastic container, and as he scooped it full, I burst into tears. I gave him a long hug and said Thank you. I gave his mom a hug as well. I’d like to keep the ashes, but I’d also like to scatter them somewhere, too. I don’t know. It still doesn’t feel real, and I still don’t know what to think. But I guess I share the sentiment in the fact that I still just miss him.

SO HERE’S TO 2018, and to a year filled with more joy than bull crap. We have a lot of things planned for this year! Please check out my latest Update to see what I will be doing, art wise. Aside from the norm, like eating better, working out, and enjoying life a bit more and not taking things for granted, we also have some really specific, enjoyable things planned!

Saying Goodbye to Sean
Saying Goodbye to Sean 1-21-2018


ASIDE FROM THE MANY artistic goals, we’d like to move into our own place. We’re saving up and looking into getting a townhouse or something. Just a small place for us and our 3 babies. We’d also really like to move to a new city, or a new town, if we can, but we will see if money permits, you know? We’ll have enough saved up to make the move within the next few months! But for the most part here’s a bullet point list of what I’d like to do:

-Stop spending so much time online
-Stop worrying about Subscriber Count
-Stop watching Shows endlessly and not working on Projects
-Use Youtube ONLY as an archive for my work
-Leave or spend less time on the Frederator Network

-Eat Better

-Start School for my Daughter
-Spend more time with the Babies

-Work more on my projects:
—Book 2
—Character Artwork


ONE MAJOR THING THAT I would like to do is help my family and friend’s with their artistic endeavors. I have siblings, friends, and cousins that are trying to create an online presence on YouTube and Social Media with what they do, just like I am with Hand of Rel. It’s a grind, and it’s difficult to get your stuff seen. They’re all very talented, but they have a very small following, which, I know for me, can get pretty frustrating.

I KNOW HOW IT FEELS when it seems like no one is paying attention to your work. Sometimes it feels like I’m screaming off a cliff into a void, and my voice is lost to the sound of so many other artists, distractions, and nonsense. It’s not a good feeling.

I WISH THAT I HAD more support from family and friends, which is why every single one of my followers mean the world to me! You all rock and I love you 🙂 Thus, I’d like to help and support my family and fellow artist friends the way I wish someone did for me. Nothing too big, just liking, subscribing, sharing, and giving shout outs. I feel like if we all came together, we’d be able to reach new heights! It’s just a matter of getting our presence out there, and getting our work seen by the right people. You know?

I MEAN SOME OF MY favorite Youtubers, the ones that have been on the platform since the beginning, talk about how (before they were successful) they only had their friends. They’d like, support, and share each others work, and that’s what helped them reach the level they’re at now. So I feel like if we all collaborated, shared each others work, commented, and built a little Youtube/Artistic Army of our own, we’d be unstoppable!


MY WIFE AND I plan to head to AX this year. We haven’t been there since 2006! It’s where we first decided that we wanted to be together, started dating, and it’s been too long overdue! Things are slowly falling into place, but we are seriously set on attending! We’re so excited and saving up in order to make the long drive in July.  We’re also loving the fact that we get to share this experience with our 3 babies.

Anime Expo 2006- Me and my wife. Man, I was so skinny and had a lot of hair DX We were so young!


I’M STILL KIND OF REELING from 2017, but all of the nonsense is slowly beginning to heal. If anything, despite all the heartache, it’s just more validation that we need to live more. Time is running out. One day, we’ll all die, and time will be up. So we need to make the most of what we’ve got, work towards what we wish to achieve, and love the ones we have while they’re still with us. Cause everything can end in an instant.

I’VE BEEN LISTENING TO THAT SONG by Skillet, “One Day Too Late” a lot lately. Here’s a few verses from the song that really stand out to me. It’s my song for 2018, son!

Tick tock hear the clock countdown
Wish the minute hand could be rewound
So much to do and so much I need to say
Will tomorrow be too late

Tick tock hear my life pass by
I can’t erase and I can’t rewind
Of all the things I regret the most I do
Wish I’d spent more time with you

Your time is running out
You’re never gonna get it back
So make the most of every moment
Stop saving the best for last

Anime Expo 2006 Santa Monica, CA
Anime Expo 2006 Santa Monica, CA- Me, my wife, brother, sister, and cousin


AND SINCE I’M FEELING nostalgic, here’s some pictures from WAY BACK in 2006! I love these pics, but I also look back at these and hate myself because I have less hair now, I’ve gained weight, and it just makes me realize how old I am XD Love, hate, and all that! Time is moving too fast, dude.

IN OTHER NEWS can you tell where Rel Rel got her flippy hair, tank top, and jeans?

THANK YOU SO MUCH for reading!  I’ll be back with another entry next Monday.  As always, keep that imagination kicking!  Please take care all, you all rock.  Cheers!

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