HAVE YOU EVER GONE for a drive, and been tailgated so hard by some jack @$$ that you wanted to stop your car and, “Punch that mother f****er in the teeth!” (Die Vampire Die! [title of show] )? Or been in a parking lot and had someone park so close that you can’t get into/out of your door? It happens all the time! It happens to me every day. It isn’t terrible, but man it’s f***ing annoying.
ON A SIDE NOTE, Die Vampire Die! is a favorite song of mine. My youngest brother introduced it to me, while I was visiting one summer. Or was it winter? Anywho, he said it made him think of me. It’s awesome and you should give it a listen! It’ll change your mo’fuggin life, son! Seriously, a song to live by if you create anything.
My Social Anxiety
SO I DEAL WITH some pretty severe social anxiety. I am a very paranoid person. It’s getting pretty bad. It’s to the point where I try to avoid going out at all costs. I have a specific time of day that I will go out, and other times that I refuse to leave the house. Unless it is absolutely necessary. I hate crowds. I hate being around people. And when I am driving, out shopping, at the doctors, or just picking my wife up from work, I’m on edge. I’m worried. I’m always watching my surroundings. I’m tense, uneasy, and constantly wondering if something terrible is going to happen.
WHAT MAKES THESE general thoughts of unease worse is that I feel like the world is on my time. Like, some jack @$$ will show up, just in time, in that exact moment, to get in my way. Always. It’s like the Truman Show, “Same road. No cars! It’s like magic, hah hah!” Seriously.
THE WORLD IS LIKE A WEB. A maze of roads, doors, hallways, rooms, streets, actions and decisions. And it always astounds me that people live completely separate lives, do intricate things, get into their cars at different times, and take different roads… BUT we can still meet at that intersection, or they end up in the right place to cut me off in traffic, or end up in the parking lot, at the same time that I do?
WHEN IT’S DURING THE DAY, when traffic is high, this is to be expected. Cars and people zooming about is just a part of the day. But I’ve been out on the road at 3am or 5am on a weekday, 6am or 7am on a lazy Sunday, when no one is out. Streets are empty. It’s beautiful! It’s my favorite time of the day. But I’ll drive down the road and someone zooms out of a side street and still almost hits me! Or I’ll be coming to a green light and a single, lone car, comes out of the opposite direction, just in time to turn that light red on me. One car. At 3am. Where the f*** did you come from?!
THIS TYPE OF THING happens to me throughout the day. Everyday. Here’s a short list of how my days go and why I am so tired of it. I hate social anxiety. I hate people. But if this is God or the Universe playing chess with my life, there’s nothing I can do. Some people tell me it’s all in my head. Others tell me it happens, don’t worry about it. It is what it is. Don’t let it bother you. But everyone has something different that makes them uncomfortable, at different levels. Think of what scares you, upsets you, or what irritates you the most. Something that you cannot ignore. What is it? It’s not easy to forget or brush aside and the answer is different for everyone. What ever your answer, that is how it feels for me.
I’VE HAD NEIGHBORS that like to sit outside their houses, smoking, just sitting, talking on their phones, or gathering with friends on the front porch. Watching the street. Watching my house. Watching me. It’s kind of unnerving, and I don’t know why they do that? I mean, when you have a living room, a backyard, a TV, or a bedroom, why stay outside and just sit? And they do it often. I mean it’s their house, so they’re entitled to do as they will.
BUT WHAT BOTHERS me is that they appear when I decide to leave the house. Or go outside. As I said, I am paranoid. So I always look outside to make sure no one is there. To make sure no one is sitting or out and about. And the coast is always clear. But once I put my hand on the door handle, and step out? I see their door open. They come out. They sit. And they stare. Like how the f***? It’s almost like clockwork.
AND I HAVE ALSO HAD TIMES where I get to my car, start it up, and a neighbor gets into their car and decides to leave, too. At the same time. Or, sometimes, other neighbors pull up to their house, just as I am leaving. It’s like we have the same schedule. What makes this even more bizarre is that I don’t leave at the same time, everyday. This happens whether I decide to leave early, or I’m late. It just kind of happens. And when I get home? Here they come, back into their driveway. At. The. Same. Time. It’s f***ing surreal, dude. This has also happened to me at like 3am, 4am, and 5am, too.
I SEARCHED THE INTERNET to see if anyone was talking about this kind of thing. And, as I expected, I’m not the only one that this happens to. I found a whole forum dedicated to this kind of thing, called the Social Anxiety Support Forum. It’s nice to know that it happens to others. But I still wonder why?
I DRIVE THE SPEED LIMIT. I have three kids, ages 1, 3, and 5. I will usually go 5 miles over the posted speed limit, or maybe 10 if someone is behind me, but that’s pushing it. I refuse to go any faster. I will not put my kids in danger or run the risk of a ticket because some impatient dumb @$$ is in a hurry. Tailgating, especially, is not only illegal, but it’s dangerous! What if someone cuts me off, or some animal or child runs out in front of my car suddenly, and I need to hit the breaks? The higher the speed, the more dangerous the situation becomes.
I ALSO HAD A LOVED ONE DIE around this time, last year, in a drunk driving accident. So no. F*** these inconsiderate people. After I got married, had kids, and lost Sean last year, I’ve been more worried while driving. Because it’s not only my life on the line, now. And it terrifies me how a simple moment can devastate lives. Instantly.
I HATE DRIVING. It’s gotten to the point that I cannot stand being behind the wheel, anymore. I get tailgated everyday, or cut off, or almost hit, or end up in near head on collisions, with people that don’t give a f*** about anyone else on the road, or the safety of other drivers. I mean, where are you going? Why are you in such a hurry? It better be a fire, a pregnant person is in your car, you’re late for your wedding, or a wedding, work, or someone is dying. If it isn’t any of those, or something just as severe, and you just need to get home, or to the grocery store, or something as unimportant as that, for no reason? Why tailgate?
I ALSO HATE SPECIFIC cars. Not all of them, of course, but I find that big, raised, loud freaking trucks always tend to have an @$$hole driving it. They are always barring down on me like they need to put out a fire. And their headlights are so f***ing high that they peer straight into my rear-view mirrors, blinding me. I’ve had these big trucks behind me when I’m in a fast food drive through, and they’re so freaking loud that the person taking my order can’t hear me. Like, turn of your car or something! Or when these f***ers sit right behind me in the drive through, revving their g** d*** engines because they’re getting impatient. These are also the same people that work on their cars at 1am, revving the sh** out of their engine, while working on it.
PARKING LOTS ARE FREAKING dangerous places. People parking crooked, taking up two spaces, or more, or parking so freaking close that you can’t get into or out of your car is annoying. Like, seriously? But you have those drivers that speed through and almost hit you while you’re walking. The ones that don’t stop when they see you trying to cross into the store. Or those jack @$$e$ that speed out of the side aisles (that don’t have the right of way), straight into your lane, where you have to hit the breaks or crash. Or those stupid jerks that drive OVER the side aisles, through the parking spaces, through the main lanes, totally bypassing the main routes all together, zig zagging through parked cars, and drive right in front of you, even though they know you’re there. I’ve had people cut me off and almost slam into me, while doing this. I tell you, man, no regard for anyone.
I CAN’T STAND PEOPLE that sit at the front of the store, behind someone pulling out, just so they can park at the very front. I understand if you have a disability, are older, have a medical issue, or the rest of the parking lot is filled. That makes sense. But if you are an able-bodied person, there are spots open a bit further back, and cars are piling behind you, waiting, and you just wants to park up front? Go park in a further spot, get some exercise, and stop blocking the flow of traffic and making the person pulling out uncomfortable.
AND WHY DO PEOPLE feel the need to park right next to you? I purposely try, and go out of my way, to park far away from the front of the store, where no one else is parked. Where the parking lot is empty. But I’ve had people zoom in and park right next to me, right after I had just parked my car. Like 1) where the hell did they come from and 2) there are literally hundreds of other open spaces around us, why did you feel the need park in the spot right next to me? Or if they don’t appear when I park, they are almost always there when I get out. And sometimes they’re even coming out and getting into their car, too. At the same time. Like, holy hell man!
THAT IS ALL FOR NOW. Honestly I’m so tired of everything. I have other rants, like people in grocery stores, drivers that stay right next to you, people that don’t turn of their high beams, and all, but I’ll save that for another time. So do you have any stories? Leave me a comment and let me know. How do you deal with these situations? And do you have social anxiety? I also want to apologize for some of the vulgar language I used during this rant, but I try to write as honestly as I can. And this is a subject that really riles me up. Oh man… freaking people…
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THANKS SO MUCH for reading. I’m J.J. and these are my daily rants. I try to update at least once a week! Please, be sure to like, subscribe, and share this post with everyone you know and love 😉 Take care my friends. YOU ROCK~!
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